I’ve had this conversation multiple times
with lots of my guy friends, and the one
thing I always tell them is this: women
do like nice guys, because no one wants
to be with a jerk, but there’s a
difference between being a Nice Guy and
being a guy who is nice. Recognizing the
difference between the two is key.
A Nice Guy is always there for you, in
every situation, with a shoulder to cry
on, a salve for your ire, the ultimate
yes-man. A guy who is nice will be there
for you when he can and only if you
need him, and he won’t be afraid to tell
you if you’re wrong. A Nice Guy will bend
over backwards to be the kind of person
you’ve always wanted, a guy who is nice
will have a personality that is not forged
from the ashes of your own, with
interests that are entirely separate
from yours. Nice Guys yell at you to
“SMILE BEAUTIFUL!” on the street, and
don’t understand why you scowl and pull
your scarf tighter around your neck. A
guy who is nice will just smile at you as
you’re walking home from the subway.
Women like guys who are nice. We want
to date them. But Nice Guys, not so
much. Why?
Nice Guys treat friendship as a carefully
calculated series of hoops that they
must jump through in order to defeat
the final boss, and get in your pants.
They show up at your door bearing
magazines and Kettle Chips when you’re
having a hard day, and will endure
hours of “Dance Moms” just to be in your
presence. These small acts of “kindness”
are just the foundation for what will
inevitably turn into a rebuffed advance.
Nice Guys seethe when they are rejected,
telling you that they deserve things
because they’ve always been NICE to you.
Nice Guys are bitter. Nice Guys aren’t
really that nice at all.
Here’s the thing about being a Nice Guy:
we can sniff that shit out a mile away.
We have all been around the block
enough times to see you bending over
backwards to be the kind of person you
think a woman wants. We are already
anticipating the heat that we might
catch if the date doesn’t go well, or if
we gently decline your texted advance
after the night is over. We are ready,
but it doesn’t men that it’s not a huge
pain in the a*s.
The truth is that nobody really deserves
anything, except for human decency,
which, if you’re not a monster, is a
perfectly feasible feat. No one has to
like you because you were NICE. No one
has to be interested because you held
the door or awkwardly helped us take
off our jacket. Hearts are not so easily
bought, they are won, by guys who are
nice.
A guy who is nice will to go dinner at a
place that was chosen by both parties,
perhaps even with some friendly banter
over which restaurant is preferable. A
guy who is nice will offer to pay but
certainly won’t force the issue if you
throw down your debit card and offer to
split the check. A guy who is nice will
disagree with you if he disagrees, and
argue and talk and have a conversation
with peaks and valleys, and intellectual
stimulation, but will not make you feel
like you’re being pandered to. A guy who
is nice will walk you to your door, but will
be content with a hug and a friendly
wave goodnight. A guy who is nice will
never make you feel obligated to do
anything.
Beware the Nice Guy, and the occasional
guilt that gnaws when you reject him.
It’s OK not to like people. Not every
person is right for you, and so, if you
don’t have chemistry with someone in
spite of the fact that they are
exceedingly NICE, do yourself a favor
and don’t feel bad. If you feel like
someone expects something other than
what you’ve already brought to the table
in friendship or a relationship, there’s
no need to feel pressure to do anything
above and beyond what you’re already
doing. A date is not a guarantee of s*x
— or anything. There’s no rule that says
we must sleep with those that show us
NICENESS. If you find yourself in a
situation where you are somehow feeling
guilty for ending the night with a pat on
the shoulder instead of a five-hour s*x
romp, stop that! You are the captain of
this ship, and there are no rules that
you have to be NICE, either.
In the heat of the moment, it’s often
hard to parse out what you want to do
and what you feel like you should do. Say
you went on a date with someone who
seemed perfectly NICE. Say it’s your
second date. Say you felt what might
have been the brief stirrings of
attraction, or maybe it was just the
beer, or you’re not really sure, but he’s
just so NICE. Maybe you feel a little bad
because he’s so NICE, and so you let him
upstairs, despite the fact that you’d
really like to send him on his way.
Beware this trap! Feeling guilty that
someone has been NICE to you is precisely
how you find yourself giving a desultory
handjob while making grocery lists in
your head. Don’t let the Nice Guy win.
Wait for the guy who is nice and let him
win you over.
with lots of my guy friends, and the one
thing I always tell them is this: women
do like nice guys, because no one wants
to be with a jerk, but there’s a
difference between being a Nice Guy and
being a guy who is nice. Recognizing the
difference between the two is key.
A Nice Guy is always there for you, in
every situation, with a shoulder to cry
on, a salve for your ire, the ultimate
yes-man. A guy who is nice will be there
for you when he can and only if you
need him, and he won’t be afraid to tell
you if you’re wrong. A Nice Guy will bend
over backwards to be the kind of person
you’ve always wanted, a guy who is nice
will have a personality that is not forged
from the ashes of your own, with
interests that are entirely separate
from yours. Nice Guys yell at you to
“SMILE BEAUTIFUL!” on the street, and
don’t understand why you scowl and pull
your scarf tighter around your neck. A
guy who is nice will just smile at you as
you’re walking home from the subway.
Women like guys who are nice. We want
to date them. But Nice Guys, not so
much. Why?
Nice Guys treat friendship as a carefully
calculated series of hoops that they
must jump through in order to defeat
the final boss, and get in your pants.
They show up at your door bearing
magazines and Kettle Chips when you’re
having a hard day, and will endure
hours of “Dance Moms” just to be in your
presence. These small acts of “kindness”
are just the foundation for what will
inevitably turn into a rebuffed advance.
Nice Guys seethe when they are rejected,
telling you that they deserve things
because they’ve always been NICE to you.
Nice Guys are bitter. Nice Guys aren’t
really that nice at all.
Here’s the thing about being a Nice Guy:
we can sniff that shit out a mile away.
We have all been around the block
enough times to see you bending over
backwards to be the kind of person you
think a woman wants. We are already
anticipating the heat that we might
catch if the date doesn’t go well, or if
we gently decline your texted advance
after the night is over. We are ready,
but it doesn’t men that it’s not a huge
pain in the a*s.
The truth is that nobody really deserves
anything, except for human decency,
which, if you’re not a monster, is a
perfectly feasible feat. No one has to
like you because you were NICE. No one
has to be interested because you held
the door or awkwardly helped us take
off our jacket. Hearts are not so easily
bought, they are won, by guys who are
nice.
A guy who is nice will to go dinner at a
place that was chosen by both parties,
perhaps even with some friendly banter
over which restaurant is preferable. A
guy who is nice will offer to pay but
certainly won’t force the issue if you
throw down your debit card and offer to
split the check. A guy who is nice will
disagree with you if he disagrees, and
argue and talk and have a conversation
with peaks and valleys, and intellectual
stimulation, but will not make you feel
like you’re being pandered to. A guy who
is nice will walk you to your door, but will
be content with a hug and a friendly
wave goodnight. A guy who is nice will
never make you feel obligated to do
anything.
Beware the Nice Guy, and the occasional
guilt that gnaws when you reject him.
It’s OK not to like people. Not every
person is right for you, and so, if you
don’t have chemistry with someone in
spite of the fact that they are
exceedingly NICE, do yourself a favor
and don’t feel bad. If you feel like
someone expects something other than
what you’ve already brought to the table
in friendship or a relationship, there’s
no need to feel pressure to do anything
above and beyond what you’re already
doing. A date is not a guarantee of s*x
— or anything. There’s no rule that says
we must sleep with those that show us
NICENESS. If you find yourself in a
situation where you are somehow feeling
guilty for ending the night with a pat on
the shoulder instead of a five-hour s*x
romp, stop that! You are the captain of
this ship, and there are no rules that
you have to be NICE, either.
In the heat of the moment, it’s often
hard to parse out what you want to do
and what you feel like you should do. Say
you went on a date with someone who
seemed perfectly NICE. Say it’s your
second date. Say you felt what might
have been the brief stirrings of
attraction, or maybe it was just the
beer, or you’re not really sure, but he’s
just so NICE. Maybe you feel a little bad
because he’s so NICE, and so you let him
upstairs, despite the fact that you’d
really like to send him on his way.
Beware this trap! Feeling guilty that
someone has been NICE to you is precisely
how you find yourself giving a desultory
handjob while making grocery lists in
your head. Don’t let the Nice Guy win.
Wait for the guy who is nice and let him
win you over.
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