Are you in a relationship with a
psychopath? You might think that’s
something you’d know right away by the
red tint of evil in the person’s eyes, the
swastika tat on the forehead, or the
insistence on discussing serial killers
over dinner. But nope! Psychopaths can
be extremely charming and come across
like Prince Charming at first. So unless
you know the signs, you’d probably get
sucked into the life of a psychopath and
not know who he or she really was until
you are completely sucker punched. Here
are 10 signs you should look out for to
quickly identify a psychopath.
1. Flattery like you’ve never heard
before. Psychopaths move extremely
quickly. On the first date, he’ll probably
tell you that you are stunningly
beautiful, unbelievably intelligent, and
uproariously witty. He will play into every
fantasy and insecurity you have. If you
think you’re fat, he will tell you how
much he loves your body. If you think
you’re shy, he will laugh at every lame
attempt at a joke and tell you you
should have been a comedian. This is
called “love bombing.” It’s the
idealization phase he gets you hooked
on, and it’s the phase you will spend the
next however-many months or years
trying to get back once he abruptly shuts
it off.
2. He is just like you. Psychopaths will
try to convince you that you are soul
mates, just alike. He loves all the things
you love and you have all of the same
interests. If you had a tough childhood,
he will say something like, “We both had
it rough. That’s why we understand each
other.” If there’s an obscure book you
love, he will make sure he loves it too.
What he’s doing is called “mirroring.” He
has no real identity, so he sucks yours up
and mirrors it back to you.
3. Pity plays. Pay careful attention to
what a psychopath says on the first few
dates about his exes and other people in
his life. Is his ex girlfriend crazy and
stalking him? Did another girlfriend rob
him blind? Is his mother controlling and
horrible? Does he seem like he’s had a
tough time with people, who always use
and abandon him? Whatever he says
about the other people in his life is
pretty much exactly what he’ll be saying
about you at some point, so listen
carefully.
4. Illnesses and injuries. Psychopaths
absolutely love pity, so pay attention to
how many illnesses and injuries he’s
had. Did he miraculously beat cancer but
it could come back at any minute? Does
he break his foot on your second date
and has to cancel? (But strangely is
okay for the third date?) Did he lose his
first wife in a car accident that left him
with brain trauma (yet he talks fine and
seems fine)? Try to check out his stories
— call hospitals if you need to — but
don’t be surprised if he has an excuse
for why you can’t find any record of
any of his traumas.
5. Great s*x. Everyone wants great s*x,
but those who have been with a
psychopath often say it’s the best thing
they’ve ever experienced. A psychopath
goes out of his way to please you. It’s
just another way of getting you hooked.
Once he has you hooked, you’ll find
yourself begging for s*x because he
suddenly won’t want it anymore.
6. Cracks in the mask. A psychopath
will sometimes blurt out something odd
about himself, apropos of nothing. Like
you might be cooking dinner and
suddenly he blurts, “I’m crazy you
know.” Or “I’m cheating on you.” He will
then either deny he said it or play it off
as a joke. A form of keeping you off
balance — but also possibly an
unconscious slip of the mask of his
persona.
7. Silent treatment. Once psychopaths
have you hooked after the “love
bombing” and “idealization” phase, they
then begin to devalue you. The first step
in that is usually to give you the silent
treatment over something. Psychopaths
are also known to disappear for days at
a time. Be sure, the silent treatment
and disappearing act will be laid
squarely at your feet. In reality, he is
off sizing up his next target somewhere.
8. Triangulation. Psychopaths love to
work you up into a state of obsessive
frenzy, so to do that, they idealize you,
give you fabulous s*x, and then begin
pulling away and “triangulating.” This is
when they introduce other people into
the mix to make you jealous. It could be
an ex-wife or ex-girlfriend, a friend of
the same s*x, or even a celebrity. In the
psychopaths mind, everyone else wants
him, so you better be on your best
behavior, or he will move on to one of his
adoring fans.
9. Discard. The final phase of the
psychopath is the “discard” phase. After
he sucks you in with idealization, then
begins to devalue you, he will suddenly
discard you as if you never had a
relationship. You are suddenly
completely worthless to him. He will
usually move on to another target at this
point.
10. “Hoovering.” Although a psychopath
will discard you, he doesn’t quite want
you moving on either. If he senses you
are done with him, he will suddenly do
an about-face, and begin bombarding
you with pleas to stay together. He will
try to “Hoover” (named after the
vacuum cleaning company) you back in
by saying everything you’ve ever wanted
to hear, making a million promises, and
suddenly being on his absolute best
behavior. It’s all an act so he can get
you back into the fold.
The only way to get rid of a psychopath
is to completely go no contact. It’s the
only thing that doesn’t fuel his games
and ego. He will make that difficult for
you — some psychopaths will stalk you,
most will Hoover. But to engage him in
any way, even just to tell him off, only
leaves you open to more mind games,
which he will win, because he has no
feelings. (Those who have children with
psychopaths must develop low contact,
and keep in touch only as much as
absolutely needed as regards the
children.)
Of course, nobody is perfect, and some
people are just immature and go through
periods of giving the silent treatment,
or “devaluing” you with critical
comments. Other people may triangulate
to create jealousy because they’re
insecure or bored or don’t even quite
realize they’re doing it. There are also
plenty of garden-variety jerks out there
who will engage in a lot of
“psychopathic” behavior without being
clinical psychopaths. But if your lover
engages in much or all of this behavior,
then he or she is likely psychopathic,
and you should run for the hills!
psychopath? You might think that’s
something you’d know right away by the
red tint of evil in the person’s eyes, the
swastika tat on the forehead, or the
insistence on discussing serial killers
over dinner. But nope! Psychopaths can
be extremely charming and come across
like Prince Charming at first. So unless
you know the signs, you’d probably get
sucked into the life of a psychopath and
not know who he or she really was until
you are completely sucker punched. Here
are 10 signs you should look out for to
quickly identify a psychopath.
1. Flattery like you’ve never heard
before. Psychopaths move extremely
quickly. On the first date, he’ll probably
tell you that you are stunningly
beautiful, unbelievably intelligent, and
uproariously witty. He will play into every
fantasy and insecurity you have. If you
think you’re fat, he will tell you how
much he loves your body. If you think
you’re shy, he will laugh at every lame
attempt at a joke and tell you you
should have been a comedian. This is
called “love bombing.” It’s the
idealization phase he gets you hooked
on, and it’s the phase you will spend the
next however-many months or years
trying to get back once he abruptly shuts
it off.
2. He is just like you. Psychopaths will
try to convince you that you are soul
mates, just alike. He loves all the things
you love and you have all of the same
interests. If you had a tough childhood,
he will say something like, “We both had
it rough. That’s why we understand each
other.” If there’s an obscure book you
love, he will make sure he loves it too.
What he’s doing is called “mirroring.” He
has no real identity, so he sucks yours up
and mirrors it back to you.
3. Pity plays. Pay careful attention to
what a psychopath says on the first few
dates about his exes and other people in
his life. Is his ex girlfriend crazy and
stalking him? Did another girlfriend rob
him blind? Is his mother controlling and
horrible? Does he seem like he’s had a
tough time with people, who always use
and abandon him? Whatever he says
about the other people in his life is
pretty much exactly what he’ll be saying
about you at some point, so listen
carefully.
4. Illnesses and injuries. Psychopaths
absolutely love pity, so pay attention to
how many illnesses and injuries he’s
had. Did he miraculously beat cancer but
it could come back at any minute? Does
he break his foot on your second date
and has to cancel? (But strangely is
okay for the third date?) Did he lose his
first wife in a car accident that left him
with brain trauma (yet he talks fine and
seems fine)? Try to check out his stories
— call hospitals if you need to — but
don’t be surprised if he has an excuse
for why you can’t find any record of
any of his traumas.
5. Great s*x. Everyone wants great s*x,
but those who have been with a
psychopath often say it’s the best thing
they’ve ever experienced. A psychopath
goes out of his way to please you. It’s
just another way of getting you hooked.
Once he has you hooked, you’ll find
yourself begging for s*x because he
suddenly won’t want it anymore.
6. Cracks in the mask. A psychopath
will sometimes blurt out something odd
about himself, apropos of nothing. Like
you might be cooking dinner and
suddenly he blurts, “I’m crazy you
know.” Or “I’m cheating on you.” He will
then either deny he said it or play it off
as a joke. A form of keeping you off
balance — but also possibly an
unconscious slip of the mask of his
persona.
7. Silent treatment. Once psychopaths
have you hooked after the “love
bombing” and “idealization” phase, they
then begin to devalue you. The first step
in that is usually to give you the silent
treatment over something. Psychopaths
are also known to disappear for days at
a time. Be sure, the silent treatment
and disappearing act will be laid
squarely at your feet. In reality, he is
off sizing up his next target somewhere.
8. Triangulation. Psychopaths love to
work you up into a state of obsessive
frenzy, so to do that, they idealize you,
give you fabulous s*x, and then begin
pulling away and “triangulating.” This is
when they introduce other people into
the mix to make you jealous. It could be
an ex-wife or ex-girlfriend, a friend of
the same s*x, or even a celebrity. In the
psychopaths mind, everyone else wants
him, so you better be on your best
behavior, or he will move on to one of his
adoring fans.
9. Discard. The final phase of the
psychopath is the “discard” phase. After
he sucks you in with idealization, then
begins to devalue you, he will suddenly
discard you as if you never had a
relationship. You are suddenly
completely worthless to him. He will
usually move on to another target at this
point.
10. “Hoovering.” Although a psychopath
will discard you, he doesn’t quite want
you moving on either. If he senses you
are done with him, he will suddenly do
an about-face, and begin bombarding
you with pleas to stay together. He will
try to “Hoover” (named after the
vacuum cleaning company) you back in
by saying everything you’ve ever wanted
to hear, making a million promises, and
suddenly being on his absolute best
behavior. It’s all an act so he can get
you back into the fold.
The only way to get rid of a psychopath
is to completely go no contact. It’s the
only thing that doesn’t fuel his games
and ego. He will make that difficult for
you — some psychopaths will stalk you,
most will Hoover. But to engage him in
any way, even just to tell him off, only
leaves you open to more mind games,
which he will win, because he has no
feelings. (Those who have children with
psychopaths must develop low contact,
and keep in touch only as much as
absolutely needed as regards the
children.)
Of course, nobody is perfect, and some
people are just immature and go through
periods of giving the silent treatment,
or “devaluing” you with critical
comments. Other people may triangulate
to create jealousy because they’re
insecure or bored or don’t even quite
realize they’re doing it. There are also
plenty of garden-variety jerks out there
who will engage in a lot of
“psychopathic” behavior without being
clinical psychopaths. But if your lover
engages in much or all of this behavior,
then he or she is likely psychopathic,
and you should run for the hills!
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