Dr. Matthew Valente has seen his share
of sticky situations in his years as a
Chicago-based emergency room
physicians, but none were as weird as
the man who superglued his hand to his
man-hood.
“The night before, [the patient’ was
fixing his lamp next to his bed and he
left the superglue tube on the
nightstand,” Valente explained on an
episode of “s*x Sent Me To The E.R.”
airing Saturday on TLC.
The glue tube just happened to be next
to a tube of lubrication he kept on hand
for when he and his wife were in the
mood for love.
Some time in the middle of the night,
the unidentified male and his wife
decided to have s*x and he reached for
what he thought was the lubricant.
“Only he went a little too fast, and —
voila! — his hand became stuck to his
man-hood,” Valente said.
It was a sight to behold, according to
the good doctor.
“This was a large amount of skin that
was affixed together,” Valente said.
“There wasn’t just a small amount of
glue. It wasn’t just one finger. It was, in
fact, his entire palm and all his fingers,
which were tightly affixed to his private
parts.”
The patient’s wife was impatient for the
man to get his hand off his s*x organs,
so Dr. Valente started researching ways
to remove superglue.
The most popular suggestion was nail
polish remover, a solution that
presented certain risks.
“The problem with that is when you dump
acetone on top of a wound that is
partially open, it’s incredibly painful,”
Valente said. “Just the look in his eyes
when I told him that, I could tell he
didn’t want to go down that route.”
Other options included applying hot,
almost scalding water to the glue or
simply waiting for the outer layer of skin
to fall off — a process that might take
two to three days.
Valente says the patient’s wife wanted
the quickest option possible and didn’t
seem concerned about how her hubby
might feel.
“She was more concerned about making
the dinner than his level of comfort or
the fact that he’s in excruciating pain
because he superglued his man-hood,”
Valente said.
The story about how the man finally got
unglued won’t be revealed until
Saturday, but since the show isn’t titled
“s*x Sent Me To The Morgue,” it’s a good
chance he survived.
of sticky situations in his years as a
Chicago-based emergency room
physicians, but none were as weird as
the man who superglued his hand to his
man-hood.
“The night before, [the patient’ was
fixing his lamp next to his bed and he
left the superglue tube on the
nightstand,” Valente explained on an
episode of “s*x Sent Me To The E.R.”
airing Saturday on TLC.
The glue tube just happened to be next
to a tube of lubrication he kept on hand
for when he and his wife were in the
mood for love.
Some time in the middle of the night,
the unidentified male and his wife
decided to have s*x and he reached for
what he thought was the lubricant.
“Only he went a little too fast, and —
voila! — his hand became stuck to his
man-hood,” Valente said.
It was a sight to behold, according to
the good doctor.
“This was a large amount of skin that
was affixed together,” Valente said.
“There wasn’t just a small amount of
glue. It wasn’t just one finger. It was, in
fact, his entire palm and all his fingers,
which were tightly affixed to his private
parts.”
The patient’s wife was impatient for the
man to get his hand off his s*x organs,
so Dr. Valente started researching ways
to remove superglue.
The most popular suggestion was nail
polish remover, a solution that
presented certain risks.
“The problem with that is when you dump
acetone on top of a wound that is
partially open, it’s incredibly painful,”
Valente said. “Just the look in his eyes
when I told him that, I could tell he
didn’t want to go down that route.”
Other options included applying hot,
almost scalding water to the glue or
simply waiting for the outer layer of skin
to fall off — a process that might take
two to three days.
Valente says the patient’s wife wanted
the quickest option possible and didn’t
seem concerned about how her hubby
might feel.
“She was more concerned about making
the dinner than his level of comfort or
the fact that he’s in excruciating pain
because he superglued his man-hood,”
Valente said.
The story about how the man finally got
unglued won’t be revealed until
Saturday, but since the show isn’t titled
“s*x Sent Me To The Morgue,” it’s a good
chance he survived.
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