Self-confidence is the difference between
feeling limitless and wanting to pee in your
pants. Do you know that others see you just
as you see or perceive yourself? (Well,
except in cases like grandiose delusion) Your
perception is key because perception is
reality.
Self-confidence is extremely important in
our lives, every aspect of it. Yet many
struggle to find it. It is directly proportional
to success. The more self confident you are,
the more likely you are to be successful.
Let's take our school exams for example.
Although self confidence could be dependent
on preparedness, one could easily make
mistakes or suffer from brain-block (the
condition where someone forgets what he has
learned for a proud of time) even after
adequate preparation. This occurs mostly in
oral exams. You might have experienced this.
Self confident people inspire confidence in
others, their friends, colleagues, their
audience, customers and even their "ogas"
at work. This is one key way at which they
easily achieve success. It's easier for you to
be persuaded by someone speaks clearly,
looks at you straight in the eye, holds his
head up high and answers questions
assuredly.
Likewise, you will be reluctant to follow or
support a project that is being executed by
someone who is always nervous, fumbling,
scared and overly apologetic; in short,
someone who lacks self confidence.
I'll be sharing some tips on how to build your
self confidence. Even if you think you
already are, read on.
Note: these tips won't make you Johnny
bravo overnight but with consistency and
determination you will get there.
I will be dividing the steps in the self
confidence building process into 3 broad
groups.
A. Psyche
B. Physique
C. Social habits
The 3 groups are not necessarily distinct.
They can be practiced concurrently.
Steps in PSYCHE are
1. First of all, don't go down low but take a
look at yourself. Recognize who and where
you are at the moment. Then think about
where you want to go and where you will
rather be. Get your mind focused on the
task ahead.
2. Make a list of your achievements so far.
Think about the things you have done in the
past that you have been commended for. Or
something that when you look back to, you
feel fulfilled and proud of yourself. Take a
look at this list regularly so as to enjoy the
success you have already had.
3. Think about your strengths and identify
them. In what area of your life have you
been most successful? Or what aspects of
your being do your friends regard to be your
strength or weakness. By identifying them,
you get to know your strong point
(opportunities) and weak points (threats).
You can build from there on.
4. Think positively about yourself. Remind
yourself that, despite your problems, you
are a unique, special, and valuable person,
and that you deserve to feel good about
yourself. Identify and challenge any
negative thoughts that you may have about
yourself, such as ‘I am a loser’, ‘I never do
anything right’, or ‘No one really likes me’.
5. Time to get more active. Set achievable
goals for yourself. This is a very important
step in the development of self confidence.
Start with smaller tasks so that you won’t be
overwhelmed. As you achieve the small goals
you set, don’t forget to celebrate your
success. As these little successes pile up,
you'll have developed some confidence to
take on bigger tasks. Make setting and
achieving goals a habit. But WATCH-OUT, do
not get over-confident or over-stretch
yourself.
6. Learn to catch yourself every single time
you tell yourself that you can’t have, won’t
get or aren't good enough to get what you
want.
7. Listen to your doubts but be ready to
make deliberate decisions once you've heard
them. Sometimes your doubts are there to
let you know what you need to prepare for,
so you can use them to your benefit as you
move forwards.
8. Be thankful. A lot of times, lack of
confidence stems from the feeling that you
do not have enough of something (money,
love etc). This also causes one to be insecure.
When you focus too much on what you want,
the mind creates reasons why you can’t have
it. This leads you to dwell on your
weaknesses. Combat that feeling and find
that inner peace.
PHYSIQUE
9. The way you dress says a lot about you.
Dress in clothes that make you feel good
about yourself. No one is more conscious of
your physical appearance than you are.
When you don’t look good, it changes the
way you carry yourself and interact with
other people. This doesn't mean you have to
spend a fortune on clothes. Rather than
buying a bunch of cheap clothes, buy half as
many but select high quality items. This
decreases the amount of money spent in the
long run because they don’t wear out as fast
and they remain in fashion longer than
cheaper, low quality ones.
10. Work on your personal hygiene. Bath
and shave frequently, wear clean clothes,
style your hair, trim your nails, and floss
your teeth. I am sure it wouldn't 'add' to
your confidence if you are described (even
once) as the guy or lady with BO or MO (Body
odour/Mouth odour). This alone can crash
the confidence you have been building like
the world trade centre on 9/11.
11. WORK OUT!!!! And not by MOUTH. Get
fit. Put yourself in the shape of your life. If
you’re out of shape, you’ll feel insecure,
unattractive, and less energetic. By working
out, you improve your physical appearance,
energize yourself, and accomplish something
positive.
12. Your posture and how you walk say a lot.
Stand up straight, keep your head up and
make eye contact. People with slumped
shoulders and lethargic movement
automatically send a message that they lack
confidence. When walking, walk faster.
People with confidence walk quickly. They
have places to go, people to see, and
important work to do. Even if you are not in
a hurry or got nothing to do, don’t show it.
PSOCIAL HABITS (the 'P' is silent)
13. Do more of the things that you enjoy
doing. Do at least one thing that you enjoy
every day, and remind yourself that you
deserve it. Make yourself feel good.
14. Do something nice for others. Think
about other people around you. Too often we
get caught up in our own desires. We focus
too much on ourselves and not enough on
the needs of other people. If you stop
thinking about yourself and concentrate on
the contribution you’re making to the rest of
the world, you won’t worry as much about
you own flaws. For example, visit a friend
who is sick, or get involved with a local
charity. The more you contribute to the lives
of others, the more you’ll be rewarded with
personal success and recognition.
15. Learn to compliment other people. When
you feel bad about yourself, you tend to
project that feeling to other people. Break
the habit of gossiping, back stabbing etc and
replace it with smiles, good gestures and
praises. When you do this, you become well
liked. People in turn say good things about
you and you gain more confidence. So,
always look out for something good to
compliment others on.
16. Be heard. When in group discussions or
meetings, always endeavor to make
contributions. Don’t be scared because you
think you might say something silly. You will
be surprised that people are much more
accepting than you imagine. Share your
thoughts, project your views. Ask questions.
You become a better public speaker this way
and also become recognized.
17. Avoid places, people that make you feel
bad about yourself as much as you can. Or
be more assertive.
18. Meet new people. When you attend social
events, don’t keep to yourself or to the
people you already know. Go and have a
conversation with someone you don’t know
and you never know what – or who – you’ll
discover.
19. When you make embarrassing mistakes
in public, make fun of yourself. Laugh at
your stupidity. This way, when other people
try to make fun of you, you’ll be having your
own fun.
20. Lastly, get support. Share your troubles.
Talk to friends and family about your
difficulties and get advice from them. Who
knows/ they may also be having similar
problems hence, you can form a support
group, or may have gone through something
similar in the past, you get to learn from
their experience.
Jack Welch once said, “Giving people self-
confidence is by far the most important
thing that I can do. Because then they will
act.”
Low self-confidence can be self-destructive,
and it often manifests itself as negativity.
Self-confident people are generally more
positive – they believe in themselves and
their abilities, and they also believe in living
life to the full. So, which would you rather
be?
feeling limitless and wanting to pee in your
pants. Do you know that others see you just
as you see or perceive yourself? (Well,
except in cases like grandiose delusion) Your
perception is key because perception is
reality.
Self-confidence is extremely important in
our lives, every aspect of it. Yet many
struggle to find it. It is directly proportional
to success. The more self confident you are,
the more likely you are to be successful.
Let's take our school exams for example.
Although self confidence could be dependent
on preparedness, one could easily make
mistakes or suffer from brain-block (the
condition where someone forgets what he has
learned for a proud of time) even after
adequate preparation. This occurs mostly in
oral exams. You might have experienced this.
Self confident people inspire confidence in
others, their friends, colleagues, their
audience, customers and even their "ogas"
at work. This is one key way at which they
easily achieve success. It's easier for you to
be persuaded by someone speaks clearly,
looks at you straight in the eye, holds his
head up high and answers questions
assuredly.
Likewise, you will be reluctant to follow or
support a project that is being executed by
someone who is always nervous, fumbling,
scared and overly apologetic; in short,
someone who lacks self confidence.
I'll be sharing some tips on how to build your
self confidence. Even if you think you
already are, read on.
Note: these tips won't make you Johnny
bravo overnight but with consistency and
determination you will get there.
I will be dividing the steps in the self
confidence building process into 3 broad
groups.
A. Psyche
B. Physique
C. Social habits
The 3 groups are not necessarily distinct.
They can be practiced concurrently.
Steps in PSYCHE are
1. First of all, don't go down low but take a
look at yourself. Recognize who and where
you are at the moment. Then think about
where you want to go and where you will
rather be. Get your mind focused on the
task ahead.
2. Make a list of your achievements so far.
Think about the things you have done in the
past that you have been commended for. Or
something that when you look back to, you
feel fulfilled and proud of yourself. Take a
look at this list regularly so as to enjoy the
success you have already had.
3. Think about your strengths and identify
them. In what area of your life have you
been most successful? Or what aspects of
your being do your friends regard to be your
strength or weakness. By identifying them,
you get to know your strong point
(opportunities) and weak points (threats).
You can build from there on.
4. Think positively about yourself. Remind
yourself that, despite your problems, you
are a unique, special, and valuable person,
and that you deserve to feel good about
yourself. Identify and challenge any
negative thoughts that you may have about
yourself, such as ‘I am a loser’, ‘I never do
anything right’, or ‘No one really likes me’.
5. Time to get more active. Set achievable
goals for yourself. This is a very important
step in the development of self confidence.
Start with smaller tasks so that you won’t be
overwhelmed. As you achieve the small goals
you set, don’t forget to celebrate your
success. As these little successes pile up,
you'll have developed some confidence to
take on bigger tasks. Make setting and
achieving goals a habit. But WATCH-OUT, do
not get over-confident or over-stretch
yourself.
6. Learn to catch yourself every single time
you tell yourself that you can’t have, won’t
get or aren't good enough to get what you
want.
7. Listen to your doubts but be ready to
make deliberate decisions once you've heard
them. Sometimes your doubts are there to
let you know what you need to prepare for,
so you can use them to your benefit as you
move forwards.
8. Be thankful. A lot of times, lack of
confidence stems from the feeling that you
do not have enough of something (money,
love etc). This also causes one to be insecure.
When you focus too much on what you want,
the mind creates reasons why you can’t have
it. This leads you to dwell on your
weaknesses. Combat that feeling and find
that inner peace.
PHYSIQUE
9. The way you dress says a lot about you.
Dress in clothes that make you feel good
about yourself. No one is more conscious of
your physical appearance than you are.
When you don’t look good, it changes the
way you carry yourself and interact with
other people. This doesn't mean you have to
spend a fortune on clothes. Rather than
buying a bunch of cheap clothes, buy half as
many but select high quality items. This
decreases the amount of money spent in the
long run because they don’t wear out as fast
and they remain in fashion longer than
cheaper, low quality ones.
10. Work on your personal hygiene. Bath
and shave frequently, wear clean clothes,
style your hair, trim your nails, and floss
your teeth. I am sure it wouldn't 'add' to
your confidence if you are described (even
once) as the guy or lady with BO or MO (Body
odour/Mouth odour). This alone can crash
the confidence you have been building like
the world trade centre on 9/11.
11. WORK OUT!!!! And not by MOUTH. Get
fit. Put yourself in the shape of your life. If
you’re out of shape, you’ll feel insecure,
unattractive, and less energetic. By working
out, you improve your physical appearance,
energize yourself, and accomplish something
positive.
12. Your posture and how you walk say a lot.
Stand up straight, keep your head up and
make eye contact. People with slumped
shoulders and lethargic movement
automatically send a message that they lack
confidence. When walking, walk faster.
People with confidence walk quickly. They
have places to go, people to see, and
important work to do. Even if you are not in
a hurry or got nothing to do, don’t show it.
PSOCIAL HABITS (the 'P' is silent)
13. Do more of the things that you enjoy
doing. Do at least one thing that you enjoy
every day, and remind yourself that you
deserve it. Make yourself feel good.
14. Do something nice for others. Think
about other people around you. Too often we
get caught up in our own desires. We focus
too much on ourselves and not enough on
the needs of other people. If you stop
thinking about yourself and concentrate on
the contribution you’re making to the rest of
the world, you won’t worry as much about
you own flaws. For example, visit a friend
who is sick, or get involved with a local
charity. The more you contribute to the lives
of others, the more you’ll be rewarded with
personal success and recognition.
15. Learn to compliment other people. When
you feel bad about yourself, you tend to
project that feeling to other people. Break
the habit of gossiping, back stabbing etc and
replace it with smiles, good gestures and
praises. When you do this, you become well
liked. People in turn say good things about
you and you gain more confidence. So,
always look out for something good to
compliment others on.
16. Be heard. When in group discussions or
meetings, always endeavor to make
contributions. Don’t be scared because you
think you might say something silly. You will
be surprised that people are much more
accepting than you imagine. Share your
thoughts, project your views. Ask questions.
You become a better public speaker this way
and also become recognized.
17. Avoid places, people that make you feel
bad about yourself as much as you can. Or
be more assertive.
18. Meet new people. When you attend social
events, don’t keep to yourself or to the
people you already know. Go and have a
conversation with someone you don’t know
and you never know what – or who – you’ll
discover.
19. When you make embarrassing mistakes
in public, make fun of yourself. Laugh at
your stupidity. This way, when other people
try to make fun of you, you’ll be having your
own fun.
20. Lastly, get support. Share your troubles.
Talk to friends and family about your
difficulties and get advice from them. Who
knows/ they may also be having similar
problems hence, you can form a support
group, or may have gone through something
similar in the past, you get to learn from
their experience.
Jack Welch once said, “Giving people self-
confidence is by far the most important
thing that I can do. Because then they will
act.”
Low self-confidence can be self-destructive,
and it often manifests itself as negativity.
Self-confident people are generally more
positive – they believe in themselves and
their abilities, and they also believe in living
life to the full. So, which would you rather
be?
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